You ever wonder sometimes what makes a person tick. Why people do what they do or say what they say, without thought or remorse? It amazes me the RESPECT people demand from others, while refusing to reciprocate that same level of respect. People so easily forget that respect is something that is EARNED and not something that is just given to you because you DEMAND it. RESPECT is defined as " deference to a right, privelege, priveleged position, or someone or something considered to have certain rights or priveleges; proper acceptance or courtesy; acknowledgment". It is also defined as "esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability." Each person is owed a general level of respect as a HUMAN BEING, which should reflect courtesy and humility. There should be no pride involved.

It is yet another day of wisdom and growth

Well it’s been a few days since I’ve been on, but I definitely have a lot to blog about. The question is where do I start? Well here I go. It has definitely been a trying week for my family and me. I just want you to stop whatever you are doing at this moment and take a deep breath. Now close your eyes and say THANK YOU. We sometimes forget to say THANK YOU and recognize that although we may be going through a storm, there is relief once the storm passes. We forget that no storm last forever, but we seem to become indulged within our unconscious thoughts. Regardless of what we have planned for ourselves, GOD’s plan for us is FAR GREATER than any plan we could ever create for ourselves. I say all this to say…..when I uploaded my last blog entry my mom was in the hospital trying to regain her peace of mind. Well she is back home and doing a lil’ better. Unfortunately, these hospital visits are never a cure to the existing problem, just seem to be more of a way to get a quick break and reassess what is going on. It is a constant battle for my mom because she doesn’t seem to realize that while she is waiting for that “miracle” drug to just make her feel better, she must find a way to fight and take back her life. The hardest thing for anyone to do is to watch their loved ones GIVE UP!! Especially when you have watched them be the strength that has gotten you through the toughest times of your life. It hurts to the depths of my soul to see my mom hurt and cry, beg and plead for peace, and most importantly to hear her say that PRAYER CANNOT EVEN HELP HER BECAUSE IT  IS TOOO LATE. I don’t know about you, but GOD HAS THE FINAL SAY SO. But, it is hard sometimes for a person to see that even though they are not where they may want to be, GOD has never left them, but in fact they have strayed away from HIM. We are given the divine benefit of GOD’S UNMERITED GRACE, which means that there is nothing in particular we have to do to receive HIS GRACE, because it is something that we have been given ever since HE BLESSED US WITH LYFE. Recognize what you have been blessed with. It’s not always about worldly possessions, because even with all of that the desires of your soul are still not fulfilled. FAMILY is most important….WELL LET ME REPHRASE THAT……GOD IS MOST IMPORTANT!!!

Embrace Who U Are!!

It's amazing how we can go through years of our life not knowing who WE truly are. Many live a life devoted to their loved ones and often find themself lost within the context of that identity. Unfortunately, that person is not the person whose spirit burns deep inside yearning to come out, but afraid to for fear of what those around them will think and even respond. That fear enables people to live a truly AUTHENTIC life. You owe it to yourself to be TRUE to yourself. You only have one life and it is your duty to tap into that inner being that GOD has created. Contrary to the life you have been living, no matter how great if has been, can be greater when you INCORPORATE GOD and HIS PLAN. His plan is without a doubt GREATER than any plan we could ever create for ourselves. Now that is not to say that HIS plan is necessarily the plan we want for ourselves, but often times what we feel is the right thing for us may not always be the BEST thing for us. Take time to get to know yourself. I mean truly know yourself. You will find that underneath all of the pain, heartache, disappointment, and so forth, there lays an AMAZING BEING. Someone created in the image of GOD. What is more BEAUTIFUL than that?

Today has been a trying day on my spirit. My mom was just taken to be admitted into the psychiatric hospital. I have been watching my mom go through this struggle for the past 3 years. I have cried with her, screamed with her, PRAYED with her, and so much more. We have had sleepless nights and frantic days filled with fear, anxiety,frustration, and even heartache. I've asked the question why so much, I got tired of asking and decided to educate myself better so I wouldn't have to ask the question anymore, and if I did I had more clarity and understanding for not only myself but for my mom and family. When my mom first became ill, I had just left a job that no longer met my needs and decided to enroll into Pharmacy Tech school to better educate myself with the medicine and medical aspect of my moms' current illness. I realized through that process that meds are just a small part of a major problem. After watching my mom go through damn near every psyche med possible I knew I had to learn and know more. Considering my Bachelor's Degree was in Behavioral Science, I already had a basic understanding of mental illness and depression, but I needed more information on the therapy process. My goal has always been to get those letters behind my name and be able to help people obtain a greater quality of life. I've taken care of my grandmother who was a stroke patient for 7 years before passing away, I've worked with kids with mental and emotional disabilities, and I am also a caregiver for my 89 year old grandfather who has been maintaining and battling Prostate Cancer for the last 3 years as well as a rare form of MS for the past 25+ years. So this is my calling, what comes natural to me. So I enrolled myself into the Master's Program. This program has been a true blessing for me. I am gaining a greater awareness for so much, not just with my mom but with myself as well and I THANK GOD for blessing me with the opportunity. Please keep my family and I in your prayers and GOD BLESS.

Ok so I am a first time blogger! I'm new to this whole blogging thing so please bare with me lol. I decided to create this blog because in my life, especially over the last 3 years I have experienced and witnessed many things. I thought that it would be therapeutic not only to myself, but also to those who choose to share in this blogging adventure with me. Life will pass us by without a care in the world, while we remain stagnant in our own self-pity. It's a NEW YEAR with NEW BEGINNINGS. No more sitting around talking about change. It is now time to MAKE IT HAPPEN. I want my blog to be fulfilling and soulful. I want people to be able to relate and understand that we all fight the same fight and that sometimes it's ok to scream and say we are tired, but we must NEVER stop fighting. Reaquaint yourself with yourself!! Get to know your dreams and fears. Face them both without fear. For there is nothing to fear but GOD. We stand in His UNMERITED GRACE and because of that we are destined for GREATNESS. GOD IS LOVE.

A Child's Love

2011 the beginning of what will be a FANTASTIC year. It has been a year of improvement, growth, and CHANGE. A year filled with new found knowledge and new life experiences. It’s definitely going to be an exciting year. My daughter will be starting high school in the fall as a two sport athlete and a blossoming young lady. I am proud and honored to be her mom. I’ve watched her grow into and become such an amazing and beautiful young lady. Children have such an innocence and love that is one of a kind. They have the ability to break you down to your barest emotions and give up your entire world just to see them smile. I never thought I would have a soon to be 14 year old daughter. But, I would not change it for the world. She has made me what I am today and what I strive to be every day the LORD blesses me to wake up. I’ve made a lot of mistakes along the way, but the things I have learned are priceless. NO parent is perfect. We all go through a learning process trying to figure this whole life thing out.  You sacrifice for the sanctity of your children to make sure they have what they need. You love your kids unconditionally and they love you unconditionally and the love that you feel for your kids could ignite the world. CHERISH you children and children CHERISH your parents. Peace and Blessings

A Lesson Learned

It seems as though things have changed in a matter of minutes. When in reality I have been going through a transformation for over a year and a half now. I never thought the word DIVORCE would ever be a part of my vocabulary. It’s a feeling I can’t put into words, that I find leaving me speechless, with feelings of frustration and anger, and a small sense of failure. Was I failure? Am I a failure? A question I find myself asking myself from time to time. I never realized the reality of the TRUE definition of MARRIAGE and the sacrifice, humility, and unselfishness it encompasses, in order to make it a successful journey. We had so many misconceptions of what it took to make a marriage work or even what a marriage was and is supposed to be. And when I say “WE”, I mean my soon to be ex-husband and I. It is crazy how one minute two people can be IN love and the next minute everything you’ve ever dreamed of is falling apart right in front of you.

This process has taught me so much, not just about relationships, but also about myself. It made me take a deeper look into myself and the decisions that I was making. I thought I had it all figured out. When in reality I was just beginning to learn, learn about love, life, and sacrifice. Sometimes I sit and think about where my relationship and or marriage would be, had we just took our time and moved in the path GOD had set for us, and not the path WE tried to CREATE for ourselves. Would we be married? Would we even be together? We NEVER took the time to get to truly know each other. We were two people yearning for love in a World where REAL LOVE is frowned upon. It is viewed as an entity that makes individuals weak. Contrary to POPULAR belief LOVE is the entity that makes people strong, the one thing that makes people feel like anything is possible. It’s like LOVE CAN CONQUER and HEALS ALL THINGS.

I now find myself sitting here and wondering just how valid that statement really is and what I have come to know and understand is that, LOVE is INDEED all those things, but it is up to the individual’s how that love is NURTURED and MANIFESTED. Do I ever wonder if I made the best decision by choosing to walk away? That is probably a question I will forever ponder. But, the one thing I am sure of ism we NEVER took our time. We never took our time to LEARN each other or even LOVE each other. We took for granted the TRUE ESSENCE of COMPANIONSHIP, the REALITY of SACRIFICE and COMMITMENT. We got lost in the whirlwind of LIFE, swept up by the technicalities.

It’s as if it was just too late to fix it, like we waited too long to mend what has now become unfixable. Now that’s a question for the history books….WAS IT REALLY TOO LATE TO FIX?? DAMN I GUESS WE WILL NEVER KNOW... or maybe just maybe I ALREADY KNOW and have ALWAYS KNOWN the answer to that question. I guess I just wasn’t ready to face the UNDENIABLE TRUTH that I CAN’T FIX EVERYTHING and that some things….NO let me rephrase that….. ALL THINGS CAN BE FIXED THROUGH GOD!!! A LESSON LEARNED!!

New Beginnings

As 2010 has come to a close, I can now take a deep breath and do a bit of reflection. This has definitely been a tumultuous year, with ups and downs, twists and turns, and definite heart wrenching woes. As always GOD has brought me through another season. I’ve been through sleepless nights filled with wet pillow cases from tears of pain and heartache. I’ve watched my mom within the past 3 1/2 years loose her peace of mind and spirit. I’ve watched my granddad age gracefully while battling with Prostate Cancer and a rare form of MS. I was forced outta of a good job once my family turned ownership back over to corporate, I lost my car, and I damn near lost my mind. But the event that changed not my life but me was my marriage which is now pending the finalization of DIVORCE. This was a word I never thought I would hear and papers I never thought I would have to see. It all happened soo fast, while the endurance of all maintaining my emotions seemed like a never ending process.

Now when I say my marriage and my divorce changed not my life, but me, what I mean is that it made me take a deep, hard, soul awakening look at myself. Who I was, who I have been, and who people expect me to be. But the question that I never asked myself is that of all those things who is it that I want to be. As I looked into that mirror and saw deep within my soul and realized that the person I saw, was NO MORE. I was no longer to be the person everyone else wanted to be, but it was time to be the person I needed me to be, the person that has always been me. And now the journey will begin.