A Lesson Learned

It seems as though things have changed in a matter of minutes. When in reality I have been going through a transformation for over a year and a half now. I never thought the word DIVORCE would ever be a part of my vocabulary. It’s a feeling I can’t put into words, that I find leaving me speechless, with feelings of frustration and anger, and a small sense of failure. Was I failure? Am I a failure? A question I find myself asking myself from time to time. I never realized the reality of the TRUE definition of MARRIAGE and the sacrifice, humility, and unselfishness it encompasses, in order to make it a successful journey. We had so many misconceptions of what it took to make a marriage work or even what a marriage was and is supposed to be. And when I say “WE”, I mean my soon to be ex-husband and I. It is crazy how one minute two people can be IN love and the next minute everything you’ve ever dreamed of is falling apart right in front of you.

This process has taught me so much, not just about relationships, but also about myself. It made me take a deeper look into myself and the decisions that I was making. I thought I had it all figured out. When in reality I was just beginning to learn, learn about love, life, and sacrifice. Sometimes I sit and think about where my relationship and or marriage would be, had we just took our time and moved in the path GOD had set for us, and not the path WE tried to CREATE for ourselves. Would we be married? Would we even be together? We NEVER took the time to get to truly know each other. We were two people yearning for love in a World where REAL LOVE is frowned upon. It is viewed as an entity that makes individuals weak. Contrary to POPULAR belief LOVE is the entity that makes people strong, the one thing that makes people feel like anything is possible. It’s like LOVE CAN CONQUER and HEALS ALL THINGS.

I now find myself sitting here and wondering just how valid that statement really is and what I have come to know and understand is that, LOVE is INDEED all those things, but it is up to the individual’s how that love is NURTURED and MANIFESTED. Do I ever wonder if I made the best decision by choosing to walk away? That is probably a question I will forever ponder. But, the one thing I am sure of ism we NEVER took our time. We never took our time to LEARN each other or even LOVE each other. We took for granted the TRUE ESSENCE of COMPANIONSHIP, the REALITY of SACRIFICE and COMMITMENT. We got lost in the whirlwind of LIFE, swept up by the technicalities.

It’s as if it was just too late to fix it, like we waited too long to mend what has now become unfixable. Now that’s a question for the history books….WAS IT REALLY TOO LATE TO FIX?? DAMN I GUESS WE WILL NEVER KNOW... or maybe just maybe I ALREADY KNOW and have ALWAYS KNOWN the answer to that question. I guess I just wasn’t ready to face the UNDENIABLE TRUTH that I CAN’T FIX EVERYTHING and that some things….NO let me rephrase that….. ALL THINGS CAN BE FIXED THROUGH GOD!!! A LESSON LEARNED!!