A SOMBER SOUL

I sit here this morning in a somber mood. The anticipation of my mom coming home was bittersweet. I was apprehensive yet excited because I knew my mom was coming home where she has the love and support that she needs. Her return was amazing!! She was back to becoming the woman we all know, love and miss. She was up every morning keeping herself busy and trying to make and keep her thoughts more positive. He seemed all good. I was excited to have my mom back, even though she still had a few fears and the world around her seemed to be more overwhelming for her. I kept the positive regard going, in hopes that it would help and motivate her. Instead, I too became something that created and caused fear. I can't fathom how hope and a positive outlook can make someone afraid to go out and want to live. To Be Free of the mental incapacitation that binds you from being happy. The EMPATHY that I feel for my mom has a price that my heart and soul continuously must pay. I've watched my mom battle with this DIS-EASE for the past 4 years and I sometimes find myself in a place of hurt and anger, fear and frustration, and love and compassion. All of these emotions in combination with each can be very explosive if not kept under control. By the GRACE OF GOD I have been afforded the ability to maintain my own sanity while trying to sustain my moms'. I wonder sometimes if she will ever get better, or will she become someone who will forever be a prisoner of all of her fears and resentments. My soul cries out to and for her and I wish I could make it all better, but deep down inside I know that no matter how much or how bad I want my mom to get better, SHE HAS TO WANT IT FOR HERSELF!! And she not only has to want it, but she has to take the necessary steps towards getting better. I've had to take a big step back and try to allow my mom the opportunity to stay connected with the outside world. But, I have come to realize that the outside world has become so distorted that everything in life has become one BIG, BAD place of existence for her. It's amazing how the mind can play even the most confusing of games. But over time through PRAYER AND HOPE  I will give my mom what she needs on the journey to her RECOVERY.