I haven't been on in a while and it's definitely a lot that's been going on. My mom re-entered the hospital last week and she just recently returned home this past Monday. It was yet but another bittersweet moment for everyone. The pain that I feel for my mom is unfathomable and it hurts me to my core. To know that I can't help her anymore than what I have have already done is at times hard to accept, especially when I see my hurt hurting soo much. I do however understand that my mom must come to the point where she is willing and ready to take the steps needed to help herself. She lives in such heavy fear that she is afraid to make any moves. It is that very fear that binds her in this existence she calls hell! Her thinking is so distorted and she doesn't believe that there is anything that she can do to regain the life she once lived. Everything to her in this life is EVIL and she believes that this is her destiny. The question that she continually asks is "Why is this happening to her?" She believes that she has done something in her past that has caused her to be in the position that she is in now. I try soo much to let he know that she is okay and that whatever decisions good or bad that she has made in her past, she has been forgiven. It is now time that she starts the process of forgiving herself. She lives with such regret and resentment that it leaves her in a state of dire hopelessness. I pray with my mom and hope for the best, but at the end of the day I have to stay focused because I have responsibilities that will continue regardless of what is going on with my mom.