A Bit of Chaos

Hey people it's been a while since I last posted. There has definitely been alot going on over the past few months. I am at the end of my program and preparing to start my practicuum. I am so excited. Time has flown by extremely fast. Life has seemed to be moving much faster. The health and well-being of my mom has taken a swift turn and changed the lives of family members. I love my mom with everything in my heart and soul, but the last few months have been the toughest that I have had to endure. Things had been going well since her return home this past June, but things swiftly took a turn for the chaotic over the course of a few weeks. My mom had in fact come out of her battle with the depression for the past five years. She was on the right track to getting better, or so we all thought. My mom had gone from depression to mania, and soon after I watched my mom's world quickly fall apart. I also watched her behavior and actions change the lives of those closest to her as well. It is amazing at how mental health can change and take over a persons' entire life. It seems as if everything that I was working hard to avoid happened anyway. I never imagined that this would be happening to my family.

Surprisingly, with all of the knowledge that I have acquired I still feel as if I am unable to help my mom. My heart goes out to her everyday. To see my mom transition from where she once was to where she is now is very heartbreaking. I have so many unanswered questions, but I know that whatever GOD wants me to know HE will reveal to me when the time is right.

Randomness

What's happening my fellow bloggers! You know I just can't understand why people find it impossible to move forward. There are a variety of things I just don't understand, but I am not quite sure if I feel like venting about that at this very moment. It's amazing how people can quickly change. In the blink of an eye a person can and will disregard any and everything that they once believed in. Does it make it the truth, if everything being told is not the truth. I wonder that sometimes. I think the biggest problem that I have experienced within this lifetime, is the people that I have come to trust. You would want to believe that the intimate details of one's life wouldn't be thrown back in your face. The things that have broken you down to the barest most fragile parts of your soul have been exposed. The games people play can be oh so hurtful and wicked. And often times it can make you want to no longer trust those that you once called a friend. It's funny how people can mistake your niceness for weakness. I have always  been a passive person because I do not like a lot of conflict and drama, but I really wish people wouldn't take for granted the level of patience that I have. Just because I don't react the way in which you may expect, does not mean that I do not feel a certain way. I have learned to pick my battles wisely, and not everyone and everything is worth the fight. I have had to learn that the  hard way. Cancers are such nurturing and compassionate people, but we can be overly sensitive as well. I know that eventually this too will all pass. Until then I will remain patient and continue to move forward.

COMING OF AGE

GOD HAS BLESSED ME TO SEE ANOTHER YEAR AND I AM GRATEFUL!! This past Saturday I turned 35 years of age. This is not quite where I envisioned my life, but I know that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Of course all of you know that I have definitely gone through a lot these last few years, but I have overcome a plethora of obstacles with my head held high. I have found myself more chill as I get older. My appreciation for peace in all of its forms has definitely grown. My mom is in GREAT spirits and seems to be on the right track right now. I am coming to the end of my post-graduate studies and I couldn't be happier. My little sister is doing well also and I am very proud of her. My grandfather is still alive and kicking and my job situation has improved as well. GOD has blessed my family in various ways and I can honestly say that I am grateful. At the end of the day I am STRONGER, WISER, and MY INDIVIDUAL LEVEL of SELF-AWARENESS has been heightened. I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL MY NEXT BIRTHDAY TO SEE HOW MUCH FURTHER I HAVE ADVANCED AND IN WHAT SPECIFIC AREAS OF MY LIFE. PEACE AND BLESSINGS!!

I AM HAPPY

Life can unfold in so many ways that its amazing. A few months ago my life was in a totally different place. I was unemployed, my mom was not well, and I was spinning my wheels on how I was going to pay my bills. I held a lot of resentment and anger towards people who hurt me and I was stuck. Stuck in a place that was not healthy for me. I had to let all of those things go and push forward. I found myself holding on to people that I should of let go a long time ago. But I have such a kind heart that I always try to see the best in people and I believe that it is that side that people will give to me. How wrong was I. But trust me it is a lesson learned. I am in a much better place and things are definitely moving in the right direction. I know that there will be a few more bumps in the road, but I'm prepared to handle what comes my way. I WAS BUILT FORD TOUGH!! Lol I can truly say that I AM HAPPY!! I am starting a new job, my mom is feeling better, my daughter had an amazing freshman year, and GOD has blessed me to see another year as I am waiting to turn 35 in a few weeks. I know that I am where I am supposed to be. I just need to be patient and enjoy the ride. Relax a little and feel the breeze. GOD BLESS

GETTING BETTER

My mom has been home for a few weeks now and her change has been amazing. GOD IS SOO GOOD!! The most important thing is my mom is finally at peace with herself and this illness that she has. I have never seen her laugh so much. She has so much joy within her spirit and it is refreshing to see. She is much more active and she is really making an effort to do the things that she needs to do in order to live a happier more functionable life. Mental health is extremely important and it is definitely not something that we should ever take for granted. You have to know when to take time out for yourself. You must know that it is okay to break down in the hardest of times. Its olay to admit when you make a mistake, just learn from it and move forward. My mom is a very intelligent woman and that has never changed. Even during the toughest times of her illness, doctors would tell me how high functioning she is, and how intelligent she is, and how she can coomunicate in ways that most people can not communicate. I am just glad to see her back, getting back to what she knows, becoming more comfortable with herself and with the life that she has to live. She still has a long journey ahead of her but I am confident that my mom will do extremely well. GOD BLESS ALL!!

Making Moves

So about a week ago I received a phone call from a friend inquiring if I was interested in working a second part time gig. Of course I said yes. My friend said she would forward my never and have her friend call me. A few days passed by and by the end of the week I received a phone call. I interviewed the very next day, and by the following day I was offered the job. I am so excited. Of course I will be more like full-time because that is what I prefer anyway. I am stepping away from the field I was currently in, which is working with developmentally disabled adults. I will be entering into a field I am familiar with, but this job is a bit different. I am ready to take the bull by the horns. I see some amazing opportunities coming from this job and I am definitely excited. GOD has really done some phenomenal things with my life and the life of my family members these past few weeks. I am eternally grateful for all that MY FATHER does and will continue to do. It is time for me to put my words into action. My next step is to copyright my book, which I must admit I have been dragging my feet on. I cant wait. GOD has revealed some amazing things to me and the truth is the  only one stopping me from receiving my full blessings is ME!! Through self-awareness and enlightenment I have come to terms with some characteristics that must be changed. It is not an easy task because we all know that has human beings we are creature of habit. Unfortunately not all habits are healthy whether it be physical, mental, or even spiritual. The one thing I know I lack for sure is consistency in folloing my own plans. I am always more than willing to help others and follow through with others, but I lack the focus to follow through on my own things. That will all change soon. I THANK YOU ALL FOR SHARING MY EXPERIENCES WITH ME AND LISTENING TO MY VOICE!! WE ALL HAVE ONE AND IT SHOULD BE HEARD!! GOD BLESS!!

Recognizing The Peace Within

Searching for peace doesnt always have to be the difficult task that we often make it. Peace is closer than we realize. Often times we search for peace through material and superficial things and then wonder why once we have acquired all of these things why are we still unhappy. Sometimes all it takes is just sitting still long enough to hear THE GOD IN YOUR HEART! For so many that is extremely hard to do. Human beings can never sit down long to enough to appreciate the small things. Its those very things that make the big things possible. Oh how often we take for granted the simple things life brings our way. Currently I have found myself trying to find peace. I am currently employed part-time and I am indeed grateful. It is not the original position that I applied for , but it is something. I was unemployed for over and a year and it was tough. Although, I have I job i continuously find myself frustrated when its pay check time. I'm stressing and trying to find a way to make my dollar stretch. I just can't understand it. During this time though, I have realized the value of chasing my dreams and going to get my BLESSINGS. I've been sitting around long enough. Now it is time to make some things happen. But, I must make sure that my spirit is at peace. A soul unrest is not good. I'm learning to be happy and appreciate the small things. Finding the peace within is definitely my mission. And it starts within MYSELF!! PEACE AND BLESSINGS